I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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