Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
