I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
