In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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