Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
