I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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