i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
