sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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