i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
