This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
