Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how drunk are you?
Several
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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