There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
