Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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