For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
