I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
