I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
