dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
