Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
