Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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