I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
