She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
