i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
