He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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