somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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