ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
