I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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