i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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