We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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