She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
