I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
