If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i came on her dog
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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