Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
