did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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