Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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