Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
