between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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