Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
