peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
