Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
