Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
