I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
