Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
