One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
