Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my shit smells like andre
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
