she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize