Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
