Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
