I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
