I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
