dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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