I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
