My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
