the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
