I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
