I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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