I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
false alarm. still invincible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
