I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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