Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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