I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
