the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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