i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
