I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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