So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize