That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
