Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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