so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
