I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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