I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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