You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
