ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You can't special order awesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
