So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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