oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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