on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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