this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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