So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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