i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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