Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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