Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
