a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
