Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
