I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
