can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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