Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
