Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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