nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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