he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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