so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish I only lived at night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
