Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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